What will survive of us is love

For some reason my post 'Do what you want and fuck the rest' has taken off in popularity far above anything else I've ever written. I can only assume that in my rather miserable place of ranting, I've struck the same nerve with some people that had been struck in myself that same day.

'You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest.' - Dwayne, Little Miss Sunshine

I actually re-watched Little Miss Sunshine yesterday - a movie I'd highly recommend to anyone and everyone - which is what spurred me to reread the post that had been inspired by it. Whilst I can't deny that I still agree with the vast majority of what I wrote, there is one particular thing that I'd like to clear up.

Love is everything to me. Ev-ry-thing. I love everyone I've ever met and never met and it's even listed as my religion on Facebook (so you know it's legit). I feel that last time, as I was a little upset due to one of those complicated, I-can't-be-bothered-explaining relationship-things, I belittled love. To me, love makes the world go round, it's in the air, in the whisper of the trees and it can definitely put you on top of the world. It's the most important thing in the whole entire universe and YET, I stand by what I said; it isn't all that you need.

In an ideal world, it would be. Everyone would love one another so fiercely that we wouldn't have to worry about the unequal distribution of the world's resources or the hurtful words that sparred between two friends. But as humans we are not ideal or perfect, so we get love wrong time and time again. We hurt those who mean the most to us and unfortunately, our love will probably always be inadequate for it to be 'all we need'.

Which is why I believe that we should chase what makes us truly happy. I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, encourage mindless hedonism or complete disregard and lack of respect for others. As I said last time, I agree with good ol' Albert that 'only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile', but we must be careful not to forget to look after ourselves in the process. Burning yourself out for others is, whilst admirable, pretty counterproductive in the long run, as you are no use to anybody completely exhausted, stressed out and hysterical because you just can't cope. So breathe, take a step back and always make some 'you' time. Whether that be a night out with the girls or some alone time knitting in your bedroom (surely that's not just me) you need time to be yourself, in order for you to be the best you can be for others. And honestly, don't they deserve your best?

What I'm trying to say is, don't disregard the importance of human love just because it isn't the only practical thing we need in life. Love the hell out of everyone you meet because, regardless of background, race, religious beliefs, sexuality, gender and anything else you can think of, as humans - sorry to bring High School Musical into this - we ARE all in this together whether we like it or not. Just don't ruin yourself in the process. You are far too precious and beautiful for that. You have to love yourself and your own life in order to show others how to do the same and that comes from pursuing your own personal well-being and happiness.

I'm also going to add this link to a friend's blog as I think it compliments, sums up and is probably an improvement on what I'm trying to say about what love means. Enjoy Bright Lights and Loneliness.

'Do what you love and fuck the rest'

I know I don't usually swear, but that quote didn't seem half as powerful when censored.

This morning I was on one of many trains I've had to catch in the past few weeks. Trains are probably my favourite mode of transport; for some reason I can really let my mind wander when staring out of the window watching the countryside whizz by. Sometimes I think about nothing in particular, doodle dream (my name for somewhere between a lucid dream and a daydream) and perhaps consider what I'm going to have for tea. Mostly though, I let my thoughts meander all over the place, tangling and untangling and creating pretty patterns inside my head until I can suss out what the hell is going on.

Today was one of the latter.

As you may have guessed from my posts over the last six months or so, I haven't been at my best. I've been pretty down for various reasons but it was only this morning that it really hit home that I can't carry on like this.

'Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile' - Albert Einstein

Now I am no advocate for inherent, thoughtless selfishness. In fact due to some intense Christian upbringing it's been drilled into my skull for my entire life to be as selfless as possible. But I've finally realised that although good old Albert was right, if no one EVER put themselves first the world would be a considerably more miserable place. Plus the quote doesn't go, 'Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile, even at the expense of neglecting yourself'.

These thoughts were sparked by a conversation that I had with a good friend not long ago, who was struggling to balance his time between everything he felt he had to do and was consequently not able to do what he wanted to do. When he was offloading to me, the comparison to my former self was uncanny. Never stopping, trying to please everybody, without pausing to consider what I really wanted. Seeing the situation as an outsider really made me reflect on my own priorities. 

Whilst I've slowed down a lot now, I'm still very much in the 'trying to keep everyone else happy' zone. And guess where I am? On the outside of the happy zone, running around the edges trying push people back if they begin to slide a little, totally exhausting myself and letting down the people I care about the most. 

The truth is, the people you care about the most are the ones that probably care about you the most. Meaning when they see you running around the happy circle like a madman, you're never going to be able to make them happy. And why? Because they just want YOU to be happy.

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it's all that matters' - Audrey Hepburn 

It can be difficult accepting that you can't be responsible for how everyone else feels. However, there is 0 doubt that you are responsible for you. I've learned that, despite how much I'd like it to be true, you can't rely on other people to make you happy. It isn't really fair on either party. To be happy deep down, like truly happy, you have to do what you love. Sometimes you're going to hurt people and let them down, but you know what? THAT'S OK. If life was just peachy all the time we'd never appreciate the good stuff.

Which is why I'm finding myself disagreeing with Paul, George, John and Ringo. Love ISN'T all you need. Some people are content in their solitude. Love just makes the ride a little sweeter. All you really need is happiness. I don't intend to waste anymore of my life on things that make me unhappy. Chase what you want, do what you love and fuck the rest.

Follow up post: What will survive of us is love